i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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