i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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