Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Congratulations! We have a period
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
