I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so that wasnt chicken after all
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
