I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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