the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize