I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
