R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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