I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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