Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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