i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
