is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
