It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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