I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
