Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
