Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
