I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
