found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
