are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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