So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I did not marry a roomba.
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