things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
