I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
