wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
worst night to have a conscience
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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