She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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