Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
