Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
