yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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