Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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