How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
