I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
