You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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