I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
