At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
