you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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