Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The power of my boobs compel you
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
