is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
420 ftw
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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