We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
