I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
