I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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