is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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