fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
