Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
