I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
