you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
