mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
