I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
