Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
