You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
