I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
