Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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