I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize