When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
