There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
In other news, I just burned my penis
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
