Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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