OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
