Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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