I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
