absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
