Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
