we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
