I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
