you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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