just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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