i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
